Total Recall

This is both a review and a rant. In case you didn't know, they are going to remake Total Recall. This is one of the worst ideas I've ever heard, and I'll tell you why:

Total Recall is a masterpiece. Paul Verhoeven is an amazing director, and his ultra-violent, industrial interpretation of the future is perfect for this story (written by the equally amazing Philip K. Dick). This movie has it all: action, imagination, sex, mind games, great lines, intentional humor, unintentional humor, and, of course, The Arnold.

I must have seen this movie at least twenty times, and each time I notice even more details in the background, dialogue, and plot. This shit is tight. A remake is only going to draw unfavorable comparisons and piss people off. But hey, they'll probably make a few bucks off it and I guess that's what they do.

Examples of awesomeness from the film:

"Don't fuck with your brain, pal. It ain't worth it!"

"Get your ass to Mars."

"If this is my delusion, then who the hell invited you?"

"You ever fuck a mutant?"

"In thirty seconds you'll be dead and I'll be home in time for Corn Flakes."

I mean, seriously. You can't improve on that! They only way this movie could be better is if I had a bigger TV.

If you've been living in a cave for the last nineteen years and haven't had the pleasure, please watch the original before trailers for the regurgitated version start showing.