Birthday

I thought that as my thirties went on, I'd feel more anxious about getting a year older. But I find that I don't mind at all this year. I guess that's one of the benefits of surviving major upheaval: smaller events no longer have the power to upset you.

I remember when I was around 12-13 and going through hell in middle school. One evening I was bawling my eyes out over the latest disaster in my young life, and my mom told me something I'll never forget.

She said, "Tammy Jean, you are going through one of the hardest times of life right now. If you asked any adult if they would go back to being your age and live through the same thing again for a million dollars, nobody would do it."

Reality TV has since convinced me that there are people who will do ANYTHING for a million dollars, but she made a good point. When you grow there is pain. There's no getting around it; you have to go through it.

Your first birthday is a perfect example of this. A safe, comfortable environment becomes cramped and constricting, and then you move on to the next phase of life. Plenty of pain and effort are involved, but you can't stay in a place that no longer fits you.

In that sense, I'm feeling exactly the way you'd expect someone to feel on the day she was born. I'm going through a fair amount of discomfort during a significant transition. It's akin to honoring the "true meaning" of Christmas (also a birthday): the presents and parties are fun, but this day has a significance that runs deeper than ribbons and red wine.

That being said, I have nothing against red wine. Here's to being older and wiser!