It's the busy season at the bar and restaurant where I work--time to make hay while the sun shines (and while it rains)!
I won't deny that it's great to have a source of income, but yesterday I realized that money is only part of the reason why I like having a job, and only part of why I felt so miserable when I didn't have one. For me, work is also how I learn to improve myself and my life.
I was in a stinker of a mood yesterday, grumbling to myself with some "bad mood junk" that everybody wrestles with from time to time.
But as the start of my shift approached, I realized I'd have to make a conscious decision to leave my bad attitude behind me, at least for a few hours. One thing I love about the service industry is that your daily (or nightly) income is largely under your own control. You can't control how many customers walk through the door or sit in your section, but you absolutely control your success with any given table from the moment your guests are seated. Radiating negative energy is a very effective way to repel gratuities.
Every shift I work is a reminder to shift my thoughts away from negativity. On my way to work yesterday I told myself over and over, "If you can't think of anything positive, at least stay neutral!" I wouldn't go so far as to say that idle hands are the Devil's playthings, but from experience I've learned that being too idle does make it easier for devilish (detrimental) thoughts to run rampant. I'd rather think, "ketchup, dessert menu, check" over and over and let my subconscious sort out the rest.
This freelance writing work I'm doing is also a type of therapy. It's dry as hell, but just easy enough and just lucrative enough that I keep on doing it. As a result, I'm now in the habit of writing for a couple of hours every day.
Lately I've been thinking that I could quit churning out assigned articles for a marketing company and spend a couple of hours each day writing whatever I want instead. I have a feeling that in the end the return on my time would be worth quite a bit more, but making that change represents a leap of faith. I'd have to trust myself to put in the time and effort without any external source of motivation.
I think that's what every job we have ultimately teaches us. You can (and many people do) stick with tolerable work that has a built-in discipline and reward system, but I believe the universe is constantly nudging each of us toward a more fulfilling occupation. The key to finding that fulfillment is cultivating as much faith in yourself as you have in others.
For example, I have faith that if I complete four writing assignments and send the company my invoice, I'll get paid for my work. But do I have faith in equal measure that writing for myself will pay off? Therapists always ask tough questions.
2 comments:
Great post. I don't think I have that faith. I think I'm waiting to not care about the outcome. Is that sad? Probably.
You are also right about what having much time does to the head/soul. If I could just take more breaks along the way, I could probably cover more distance in less time and less pain.
Hi Ava!
Thank you for your comment! It's so reassuring to know other people feel or have felt the same way. I wish you wouldn't be so hard on yourself--I find your writing to be candid, hilarious, and inspiring :)
Tamara
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